Question by Matt: Will my girlfriend’s mood swings ever end?
I’ve been involved very intimately with a woman 13 years younger than me. We’re both professionals, and we work in the same place. I had to pursue her quite a bit in the beginning, but approximately 4 months ago, she declared her love and has given herself to me entirely. It’s good, but she is prone to mood swings. Off and on. She never says she doesn’t love me, but I sometimes feels she neglects me when she’s stressed or in a bad mood. We had a long talk; she cried, apologized, and promised to be more mature and less capricious in her behavior. I know, however, that she will grow cold, then hot, then cold, then hot again. She admits she does it; doesn’t know exactly why but has attributed a degree of it to her menstrual cycle. I can’t say that I doubt her love, but I sometimes feel like a big baby when I need to be reassured by her. She doesn’t fault me for my periodic bouts of insecurity, but I guess I should have more going on in my life so that an occasional distance between us won’t seem as bad. We spend every weekend practically together. She stays at my apartment from Friday to Sunday night. We have also been partying a bit making our preparation for work suffer some; I am able to “wing it” a bit better than she can having been doing this work for quite a lot longer; and I think she’s beginning to resent me a bit for not insisting that she prepare while with me more thoroughly. I must admit that I often take my cue from my partner. Should I be the strong one and insist that she be prepared for Monday before we begin our weekend? What about the mood swings?
Best answer:
Answer by BlueTruth
You may want to suggest to her that she see a doctor and get her hormone levels evaluated. Premenstrual Syndrome is becoming recognized as a sometimes serious issue that has gone overlooked for quite some time. There are in fact women that have been wrongly diagnosed with mental disorders simply because their hormones were so out of balance.
To some extent, no, your girl friends mood swings will never “end”, but you can work together to learn how to manage them. If you are both aware that it is nearing “that time of the month” then you will be able to be more sensitive with her, and she will feel more empowered to deal with her feelings by understanding that there is nothing wrong with her, she is just experiencing some biological issues. But when it comes to things like this, there is no substitute for a good ole’ fashioned education about the topic. And that will entail effort on both your parts. But it can be very worth it.
Many things influence a woman’s physical and emotional health during and prior to her menstruation. Her diet is a big one. (The consumption of alcohol can sometimes aggravate mood swings) The best thing to do is to have her see a doctor, and possibly a specialist, to develop a plan for her emotional and physical health.
Being a woman who struggled a lot with this issue, I will tell you that it was initially quite a hurdle for my partner and I. He was dumbfounded at first, and I felt terrible about the way I would act. My case was extreme. The most invaluable thing he did to support me was to maintain his sense of humor!!! I cannot stress that enough! I know in the thick of it, it doesn’t seem funny at all. But try to remove yourself from the situation a little to gain perspective. And remember, IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU! Her mood swings are not actually an attack on you. It may feel that way! But the sooner you can become secure and grounded in yourself, the better off you both will be. It’s important to take responsibility for your feelings, and recognize that what is happening is no one’s fault. My partner’s ability to openly and unconditionally love me, no matter what I was dealing with hormonally, grew our love tremendously. And even more than that, it allowed me to concentrate on managing what was going on with me, rather than focusing on doing damage control and consoling him, which would often lead to another emotional breakdown.
It’s also important for you to feel supported. Sometimes a counselor is a good idea! Or any objective person who can validate and support you as you support her.
Best of luck!!!
P.S. Adding stress (like not being prepared for work) to the issues she is already having is just a really bad idea. I think it would be a great idea for you to take the lead, and insist that you both be prepared for your weekdays. She will appreciate you for it, and you both will reap the rewards. But having said that, still find ways to unwind and have a good time! Just be sure you have your bases covered, then really let loose and enjoy yourselves fully! 
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